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Faith Over Fear – What You Say

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know

Do you often feel this way? I know I do. Especially in recent weeks. I find myself fighting back the demons of depression and trying to press into prayer more and more. I have trouble sleeping too little or too much, constant thoughts of not being a good enough person, being alone. I am hopeless on occasion and even feel lonely in my soul.

These thoughts take over. This is the doing of the devil. There is no other way to say it. The devil wants to feed doubt into everyone. He wants me to feel alone, discouraged, not enough, insecure, and scared.

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don’t belong, oh, You say I am Yours
And I believe, I believe
What You say of me
I believe

God tells us that we are loved, never to fear, He will never leave us, nor forsake us.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you”

 (Deuteronomy 31:6)

 

I also understand I am human.

I am feeling the loss of two childhood friends within one week, not due to COVID-19, over health complications during surgeries.

I battle feelings of being lost in my relationships or lack thereof. I am aloof, disconnected, dissociated, and truly in a fragile state.

‘Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Isaiah 41:10

                       

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity,

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh, You say I am Yours
And I believe, oh, I believe
What You say of me
Oh, I believe

I feel peace when I am touched by Ed or we have a great conversation. Although, unless you have truly suffered from a deep depression or constantly battle depression and anxiety, it is hard to explain it to others. It is nothing short of a nightmare.

I also feel peace when I listen to Christian music. When I get up earlier on days that I can, and I watch my Pastor via Facebook live. We have prayer with fellow church members. This helps me get through the day. I pray for everyone, I pray for the world, I pray for my family, I pray for my relationship, and I even pray for myself lately.

Taking all I have and now I’m laying it at Your feet
You’ll have every failure God, You’ll have every victory

At this very moment, I do not know what else to do besides to be truthful and to surrender to God. I know that I am not in control. Every attempt that I, myself, have ever made to be in control, does not work in my favor; therefore, I must lay it down, walk away, leave it to God. Let Him do the work. Let Him heal my doubts, my insecurities, mend me and guide me.

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh, You say I am Yours
And I believe, oh, I believe
What You say of me
I believe

Why you ask? Why God? Why not take this on myself and accept responsibility for how I feel and try to figure out ways to deal with it?

I have. I have dealt with depression before, overthinking and analyzing have caused nothing but turmoil in my life and in my mental state. No human, not even myself, can fix what I feel. Therefore, I put my faith and trust in the One who made me, who knows me, who loves me unconditionally, who can see all my flaws and still know my heart and will never give up on me. One who I cannot see, but who can see me.

Because I believe! Oh, I believe, yes, I believe
What You say of me
I believe

I am listening, God, please speak to me, I know you are there. 

Honestly, I could also use a really good tight hug about now too. I am thankful and I am grateful for everything that I have. I am truly blessed, however, to struggle with the thoughts, feelings, and neverending cycles of anxiety and depression is something I deal with. I have to see it as a blessing in hopes that maybe, somehow, my journey through this can help others.

At least that is my hope.

GOD2

Song by Lauren Daigle/ Words in Purple Are Also The Song Lyrics

 

 

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