Many people talk about pain. They describe different types of pain, aches, uncomfortableness, and pure discomfort. I'm noticing, especially since a recent accident in addition to an onset of food poisoning, my pain is constant. It does not let up. There is simply zero relief.
As many of my readers know, I deal with chronic invisible illnesses, such as rheumatoid arthritis, sjrogens, overlap, gastroparesis, and many more to name.
In the recent month, I've dealt with a great amount of nerve, neck, head, shoulder, arm pain, and weakness. This is due to an accident. In addition, I'm on probably week 10 or 11 of my gastroparesis flare. Slowly working on trying to see if I can incorporate more than just Kencko. It's proving to be difficult.
The Ensure, Boost, and Orgain, all feel as though they are staying in my throat. The only food that I've successfully incorporated without upset is scallops of all things. Rice has become a challenge.
In the midst of these storms, there's absolutely no relief. The nerve blocks and steroid shots I'm receiving are minimally helping. The exercises from the physical therapist do not appear to be successful either at this time.
Between all of the pain, it's taking a toll on my mental well-being. I'm finding myself just wanting to stay in bed. I'm trying to be motivated. It's hard when your body isn't functioning properly and everything hurts. It's hard to pretend to be a happy person. It's hard to put on your "award winning " smile and go into "fake it mode".
I'm truly struggling and I'm at a loss here. A real loss. I do not know what else to do. I am very thorough with my medical care and treatment, I know I have no choice but to go on. The problem is, how do I? How do I live like this?
I try to do things to distract myself, such as crafting when I can, reading, praying, listening to music, and spending time with loved ones. Only in those brief moments does the pain let up, but it's not really letting up, it's being masked by me being distracted.
I don't know what is to become of it. I pray that relief comes soon. I pray I can drink water without it staying stuck in my throat, I pray my neck, shoulders, head, arms, and hands feel stronger and the pain stops. I pray that my stomach stops aching and being so bloated. I pray to feel normal.
I just want to feel normal.
I regularly stay in contact with all treating physicians and I'm doing everything. Maybe one of them will soon come up with a magic cure. Until then, I guess I will breathe slowly, slap a smile on my face, and pretend this nightmare will be over with soon.